The sting of being single

The other night I was blessed with the opportunity to have dinner with several family members. Little did I know before hand that the meal was to be both incredibly enjoyable as well as massively depressing!

First of all, it was cold out. While I'll pretty much take McGee anywhere I go, taking him out in the cold is particularly annoying as there is so much prep work involved with keeping him warm. So of course the parking lot is packed, which necessitates my walking half a mile in the cold with my heavy child asleep in his car seat... covered with my jacket, clearly. By the time I got through the doors I was freezing cold, my back was killing me, my hair was a mess, and I was ready for a nap.

As dinner progressed, there were subtle reminders that I was in a different boat than my beloved family members: once McGee awoke, I was that sterotypical flustered mom - you know the one; stressed, trying to get rid of the sling holding the car seat and get her kid into the high chair, all the while keeping him from crying, knocking things over. Yeah, that was me. I worked the whole meal to not only keep my son from disrupting the diners around us, but to attempt to catch snipets of the conversations going on at our table... not an easy task. It really did make me wish for a dedicated partner... someone who, out of love for me, would drop what he's doing and make it all a little easier.

The worst of the downer moments came while watching one of the couples with whom I sat be... well... shmoopey. They're shmoopey, and it makes the "single" in Single Mom even more apparent when I am around them. The woman in the couple did not, in fact, freeze en route to eat. She was deposited at the entrance while her loving partner parked the car and braved the cold. While eating, she got a chill and faster than one can say "doted upon" his jacket was wrapped around her shoulders. It was almost enough to make me ill, though because I love her so much, it also made me happy for her... I hate moments of mixed emotions!

Now, having complained about being single, I would like to point out that I believe wholeheartedly that it is better to be alone than with the wrong person. I prefer my current state of being to the alternative... but I do wish I were doing this in a partnership. I admire loving spouses who cater to and dote upon their loved ones. And I freakin' want one of my own... just, you know, the RIGHT one this time ;)

There was a moment towards the end of the meal that sort of reminded me to be thankful for what I have - after the jacket swapping took place, I realized that I was cold. It then occurred to me that both this man and myself had given up our jackets to our very favorite people. And somehow, knowing that my son adores me completely took the sting out of being single, if only just a little.