The sting of being single

The other night I was blessed with the opportunity to have dinner with several family members. Little did I know before hand that the meal was to be both incredibly enjoyable as well as massively depressing!

First of all, it was cold out. While I'll pretty much take McGee anywhere I go, taking him out in the cold is particularly annoying as there is so much prep work involved with keeping him warm. So of course the parking lot is packed, which necessitates my walking half a mile in the cold with my heavy child asleep in his car seat... covered with my jacket, clearly. By the time I got through the doors I was freezing cold, my back was killing me, my hair was a mess, and I was ready for a nap.

As dinner progressed, there were subtle reminders that I was in a different boat than my beloved family members: once McGee awoke, I was that sterotypical flustered mom - you know the one; stressed, trying to get rid of the sling holding the car seat and get her kid into the high chair, all the while keeping him from crying, knocking things over. Yeah, that was me. I worked the whole meal to not only keep my son from disrupting the diners around us, but to attempt to catch snipets of the conversations going on at our table... not an easy task. It really did make me wish for a dedicated partner... someone who, out of love for me, would drop what he's doing and make it all a little easier.

The worst of the downer moments came while watching one of the couples with whom I sat be... well... shmoopey. They're shmoopey, and it makes the "single" in Single Mom even more apparent when I am around them. The woman in the couple did not, in fact, freeze en route to eat. She was deposited at the entrance while her loving partner parked the car and braved the cold. While eating, she got a chill and faster than one can say "doted upon" his jacket was wrapped around her shoulders. It was almost enough to make me ill, though because I love her so much, it also made me happy for her... I hate moments of mixed emotions!

Now, having complained about being single, I would like to point out that I believe wholeheartedly that it is better to be alone than with the wrong person. I prefer my current state of being to the alternative... but I do wish I were doing this in a partnership. I admire loving spouses who cater to and dote upon their loved ones. And I freakin' want one of my own... just, you know, the RIGHT one this time ;)

There was a moment towards the end of the meal that sort of reminded me to be thankful for what I have - after the jacket swapping took place, I realized that I was cold. It then occurred to me that both this man and myself had given up our jackets to our very favorite people. And somehow, knowing that my son adores me completely took the sting out of being single, if only just a little.

Single Mom, Ranting.... a primer.

I've been considering joining the blogosphere for some time. After all, who among us hasn't seen the posts of our friends and not thought, "Ooh! I could do that!" I see Momma McFarland's handiwork, or the delightful musings of Queen Christine, and I can't help but wonder if maybe I too should write it all down, as it were. And why not?

Well, there are two main reasons I have not, thus far, joined in (even though, apparently, all the cool kids are doing it). First, to blog is to openly admit to one's narcissism. The simple act of writing about my life, and letting people know where to read it, then expecting those people to show a modicum of interest... well, these actions are all indicative of a belief that other people genuinely care to know what I think! And as you all know (there are readers, right?!) I prefer to hide my vanity as much as possible...

The second reason is far more pragmatic: I don't have time! While my to-do list on any given day is fairly short, it seems to take hours to complete even the simplest of tasks now that I am a mom. So, if there are folks reading this, please forgive infrequent posting.

So, now that I have arrived, here's what you should know: I am a 20-something momma to an almost 1 year old boy... we'll call him McGee. Though I completed an undergraduate degree before the arrival of my son, I am slowly muddling my way towards a future at this point by trying to get in to a PA program. In the meantime, I help out around my family's judo dojo, I am studying for the GRE, and I am learning how to be a mom. That last task has proven the most difficult for me, by far.

The point of this blog is for me to have a place to rant about the many joys and trials associated with being a single mother. While there are other single mom's blogging in this world, I feel it's worth adding my voice to the throng, as I am not what one would call "maternal" by nature... in fact, I'm kind of a dude on the inside. A confirmed tomboy since birth, I navigate the world of femininity precariously, picking and choosing which aspects I deem acceptable for myself. I am an activist, a feminist, a mommy, a Christian, an athlete at times, a woman by choice... I am crude and crass, yet loving and kind. I'm McGee's mom. I'm Valarie! Pleased to meet you :)