Save Your Pity

Sooooo.... one thing you should know about me is that I am severely ADD. It's bad, ya'll. One of the problems this poses is that I have a tendency to begin a great many things, but never finish them. For example, Blogger tells me I have 17 draft posts. That's right - 17 posts I sat down to write, and never finished. And I may never finish them. That's just me. But I will finish this one! Unless something distracts me.......... While I am capable of linear thought, I want to rant about Single Parent Pity. For my fellow lone parents, you'll know what I mean: the way folks tend to assume all single parents are miserable about their lot in life. To hear some talk, we all spend our nights sitting alone in our shabby hovels, crying into cheap beers, wishing we'd made different choices. If only we could either escape our children (who ruin our lives, don'tcha know?) or find that perfect someone who could *save*us* from our sorrow! There seems to be a misconception about the reality of going it solo with a kid... and while some may be genuinely unhappy with their lives, most of us are HAPPY! Take me, for example. I have a fabulous toddler. He adores me! No, seriously - I thought the unconditional love of a dog was the coolest thing ever, until I had McGee. Now I realize that this kid thinks I am Alpha and Omega, and all things made of sunshine and joy in his world. To him, I am a walking freakin' pony made of cupcakes. We live well, thanks to a family situation that enables me to be a stay-at-home while I finish grad school. I go out, I have hobbies, I get to workout a few days a week... he doesn't *limit* my life. He adds all sorts of experiences I never would have otherwise had! Then there's the marriage issue: some assume we're all sitting around waiting to be saved by marriage. Let me set the record straight on that one! While for a lot of us, finding the right partner is a goal, a priority even, we aren't laying in bed sobbing about our empty, spouse-less lives! In fact, seeing as we are responsible for the care of kids 24/7, we don't tend to have much time to sob in general, even if we were so inclined. For me, being in a happy, stable, lifetime relationship is certainly a goal... one of many in my life. But having a child doesn't make me want it more. In fact, it makes me more hesitant to hitch my wagon to that of another. In the past, it was only my happiness I had to think about... now? I have the overwhelming knowledge that anyone I bring into McGee's life, for better or for worse, I'm allowing to influence his future. Imagine my frustration when well-meaning people discover I am a single mother, and they give me that look... you know the one! The look of pity, the knowing look designed to tell me they *feel* my pain. They KNOW how unhappy I must be, all alone, desperate, miserable, encumbered by a screaming brat all the time... I'm happy, guys. My life is better than 99% of the world's. I'm never truly alone, because I am surrounded by people who love me. I live my life the way I want, working McGee into it where I can, and making arrangements for times I can't. Regardless of trials which I must face, or obstacles I must overcome, I am HAPPY. Save your look of pity for someone who needs it ;)

A Rant about the kid's consignment store

I have given a lot of McGee's old clothes and sundry stuff to friends who are having babies, but I still have oodles of random goodies just taking up space in my home. As I am about to move, I figured it would be best to go ahead and get rid of every last bit of it. Having purchased from Kid to Kid children's consignment store in the past, it occurred to me I ought to sell his things to them in exchange for store credit. How could this be a bad idea?! They could give me buying power in exchange for my stuff, and I could get all new useless stuff for my kid. Win - win, right?

I loaded up my car with clothes and gear, and some older toys, and headed to the store with high hopes. Upon arrival I was faced with having to put kiddo in a carrier and them schlep everything into the store. Now, I'm not saying I expect them to watch the parking lot just in case a woman is struggling to carry a ton of stuff... but I walked in with a huge load, and after telling them I had a lot more to bring in, not one of the employees offered to help. Two trips later, I was ready for their review of my things.

Going through the clothes was amusing - apparently, they only sell "complete outfits" in sizes 18mo or smaller. I have never purchased complete outfits for my son - I buy him jeans, some comfy pants, and every cute shirt I can afford. It took almost an hour for them to go through and decide to buy *literally* half of the clothes. And I'd like to point out that they liked the things I considered to be the lamest, yet passed on funky unique pieces. Okay - so that explains why I can never find cool kid clothes there.

With toys they have a policy not to accept anything without a tag stating the manufacturer. While I appreciate that they check every toy for recalls, I was irritated at the number of cool toys they turned down due to lack of labeling! We're talking standard Sassy brand toys, easily recognizable to anyone who has ever bred, and they wouldn't take them. Lame.

For the carseat, which came with two bases, they said I should come back with an owners manual... the one I threw away as soon as it was out of the box. I was told they wouldn't mind if I printed one off from online and came back. Really? You wouldn't mind if I deal with doing all of this again another day? Even though you're sitting in front of a computer right now... Gee, thanks.

They bought my bouncy seat, and a Graco swing. The swing was a burden, as I didn't have the toy mobile, so they informed me I had to remove the swinging arm designed to hold said mobile. Seriously- with a toddler strapped onto my chest, they had me on the floor trying to dismantle this huge swing while they watched. Customer service is dead at Kid to Kid.

By the time we were finished McGee was ready to nap, and squirming in his mei tai. My back was killing me, and my patience was running short. After all of this effort, I was ready to get a little bit of money to spend... and the grand total for 2 big pieces of gear and tons of clothes?

$35. Seriously. $35.

Guess where I'll never be going again?!

In related news: who wants a really cool carseat with two bases (you might want to look up an owners manual online;)

An end to my social life, such as it was

There were those who, upon finding out I was pregnant, warned me that the birth of my child would be (cue ominous music) THE END OF MY LIFE!

I have been pleasantly surprised by how little McGee has caused me to miss! In general, I take him wherever I want to go, and have managed to work him into my life in such a way that neither of us has to go without social interaction or entertainment. He's my constant companion, and I'm okay with that!

Having said that, however, it has become clear to me that my life is now OVER. Over, JD, over.

Since going back to an actual brick and mortar school this semester, I have found my time to be at a premium in a way I have never experienced. It seems every week I make plans with friends, only to have to cancel them when I realize there simply isn't enough time to go see people and still study a sufficient amount of time to do well.

Now, this amuses me, because in my previous educational pursuits, I never once felt the slightest compulsion to cancel an outing in favor of being responsible. I felt comfortable earning B's and C's in exchange for not having to put in even a small amount of effort, outside of a few random all-night study sessions which resulted in excellent test scores and zero long-term retention.

But everything is different now. My grades effect more than just me - I have to earn A's this time around, so I can get advanced degrees, and make a good life for McGee. I think about slacking off and going to play instead of working, and then I see his little face smiling at me - and I know what's really important now. Having someone I care about more than myself has helped me put my priorities in order in a way I never thought possible, and has made me a better woman in so many ways.

And so, my life has changed. And in a way, I feel like my life - the life I ought to have been living all along - BEGAN the day McGee was born :)

Shrinking

For years I suffered from an eating disorder / body dismorphic disorder known as "manorexia." Some of you will be familiar with anorexia, in which no matter how small one gets they see themselves as huge. Well, that's not me. I battled manorexia - a condition in which sufferers, no matter how huge their beer belly may become, no matter how out of shape they get, they honestly believe they are super hot and athletic.

I am unique, I would suspect, among ladies, in that most often women are overly critical of their bodies, as this is what society has conditioned us to do. But men! Men are taught to be in love with themselves, and regardless of their physical condition, they are taught they have the right to expect a physically flawless partner. I spent my teen-aged years surrounded by men, so perhaps I absorbed this way of viewing myself in the world.

This past summer I was at an all time high weight of 260-something pounds... and to be honest, I didn't realize! I FELT as though I was about 200lbs, and still fairly athletic. I am now in the 170's, and still feel pretty much the same: I feel moderately overweight, and fairly athletic... the same way I felt almost 90lbs ago.

Logically, I realize I am significantly smaller now, more flexible, and more capable physically than I was just a few short months ago. But it seems I now more closely resemble the (sadly) stereotypical female of our culture in that I see myself as bigger than the tape measurer tells me I am.

I'm actively working on this - not because I value my mental health particularly... rather, it is because I have always despised skinny women calling themselves fat! Lest I lose more and turn into an obnoxious skinny bitch with self-esteem issues, I am working on seeing ME, and not the version of me in my head.

Who's with me? Who's ready to love themselves as they truly are?!